When Motherhood Feels Heavy: Understanding Postnatal Depression

You’ve just had a baby. Everyone tells you this should be the happiest time of your life. And maybe it is for some people. But maybe it’s not for you. Maybe you feel numb. Or constantly on edge. Maybe you cry over things that never used to affect you, or maybe you can’t cry at all.

Maybe you look at your baby and feel love, but not the magical “bond” everyone talks about. Or maybe you feel like you’re watching your life from the outside, wondering what’s wrong with you.

If any of this sounds familiar, please hear this: You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re not alone.

You might be experiencing something called postnatal depression (PND), and it’s far more common (and more treatable) than most people realise.

What is Postnatal Depression?

Postnatal depression is a type of clinical depression that can develop any time in the first year after having a baby. It affects roughly 1 in 7 women and 1 in 10 men in Australia, though experts believe the numbers may be higher due to underreporting.

It’s different from the “baby blues,” which are common in the first few days after birth and usually pass within a week. Postnatal depression lingers. It clouds your mind, colours your days, and makes it hard to enjoy or even cope with things that once felt manageable.

Some parents notice it straight away. Others only realise something's not right months down the track. It can sneak in slowly, a bit more exhaustion, a bit less joy, until one day you realise you don’t feel like you anymore.

What Does Postnatal Depression Feel Like?

PND looks different for everyone, but here are some of the common signs:

• Feeling sad, numb, flat, anxious, or angry most days

• Crying often, or feeling like you should be crying but can’t

• Losing interest in things you used to enjoy

• Trouble sleeping, even when the baby sleeps

• Feeling disconnected from your baby or doubting your ability to parent

• Changes in appetite or energy levels

• Withdrawing from friends or family

• Thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “My baby would be better off without me”

• In more severe cases, thoughts of self-harm or escape

Even if you only relate to a few of these, it’s worth talking to someone. You don’t need to wait until it’s “really bad” to ask for support.

A Story That Might Sound Familiar...

Emily had always wanted to be a mum. She planned the nursery, read all the books, even packed her hospital bag two months early. But after her baby arrived, something shifted.

“It was like the lights went out,” she said. “I loved my son, but I felt like I was failing him every day. I cried all the time, but couldn’t explain why. I didn’t want to tell anyone — I was too ashamed.”

What helped Emily most was hearing another mum at a mother’s group say, “I felt that way too.” That moment cracked something open. She realised she wasn’t alone, and that help was available.

What Causes Postnatal Depression?

There’s no single cause, and it’s never your fault. PND often arises from a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors:

Hormonal changes: After birth, levels of estrogen and progesterone drop dramatically. These shifts can significantly affect brain chemistry and mood regulation.

Sleep deprivation: A lack of quality sleep can wreak havoc on your emotional resilience.

Major life transition: Becoming a parent changes everything — your body, identity, relationships, routines. That adjustment alone is huge.

Past mental health history: People with a history of anxiety, depression, or trauma may be more vulnerable to developing PND.

Lack of support: Whether it’s practical, emotional, or financial — not having the help you need can lead to feelings of isolation and overwhelm.

As postpartum expert Dr. Karen Kleiman puts it: “Postnatal depression doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. It means your system is overwhelmed. And you need care, not criticism.”

What About Dads and Partners?

Postnatal depression isn’t just a mum’s issue. It can affect any new parent — including dads and non-birthing partners. After the adrenaline of birth fades, many partners feel the weight of new responsibilities, disrupted routines, financial pressure, or helplessness watching their loved one struggle.

Tom, a new dad, put it this way: “Everyone kept asking how the baby and my wife were. No one ever asked how I was doing. I was barely sleeping, anxious all the time, and felt like I had to be the strong one. I didn’t realise I was depressed until I couldn’t get out of bed one morning.”

If you’re a partner feeling flat, disconnected, or not like yourself, know that your mental health matters too. Seeking help isn’t selfish, it’s strength.

So What Can You Do if You Think You Have PND?

Here’s the good news: postnatal depression is treatable, and with the right support, most people recover fully.

1. Talk to someone you trust

Start with your GP, maternal health nurse, or a psychologist. They can help you figure out what’s going on and support you in taking the next steps.

2. Consider therapy

Psychological therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and CFT (Compassion-Focused Therapy) have strong evidence for treating PND. Therapy can help you:

• Understand and normalise what you're feeling

• Challenge negative self-talk

• Reconnect with your values as a parent

• Rebuild your confidence and self-compassion

3. Medication (if needed)

In some cases, antidepressants can help. Many are safe to use while breastfeeding. Your doctor can work with you to find the right option if this path feels appropriate.

4. Build a support network

You’re not meant to do this alone. Reach out to people you trust — whether it’s your partner, a friend, a parent, or a postpartum support group. Ask for help with meals, sleep, or just someone to sit with you. Let people love you through this.

5. Look after the basics

You don’t need to overhaul your life. Just begin with gentle, small steps:

• Sit in the sun for 10 minutes.

• Eat something nourishing.

• Go for a short walk with the pram.

• Rest without guilt when you can.

You’re a good parent going through a hard time. And there is support. Things can get better.You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to carry the pressure in silence.
You’re allowed to speak up. You’re allowed to get help.

This season might not feel like the one you hoped for. but it’s not the end of your story. Help is here, and hope is real.

Helpful Resources

• PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) – 1300 726 306

• Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636

• Gidget Foundation – Free perinatal counselling via telehealth

• Talk to your GP or mental health professional

Disclaimer: The resources provided on this site are for educational purposes only and are not intended as a replacement for professional therapy, counselling, or medical care. Please consult with a licensed mental health clinician for any personal concerns or questions. In case of a crisis, contact emergency services immediately.